Picture this: It’s 1995. I’m a high school sophomore and develop feelings for a boy in my choir class. The timing wasn’t right then, but 6 months later we started dating. I thought we were exclusive until I learned his other girlfriend had a pregnancy scare. My heart broke. My impulses were to either play the victim and weep or give into my anger.

I remember listening to You Oughta Know by Alanis Morissette on repeat. I felt the line:

Does she know how you told
Me you’d hold me until you died?
‘Til you died, but you’re still alive.

My hurt and anger bubbled over. I didn’t want to hurt him, but I wanted him to know he hurt me. I wanted his other girlfriend to know she wasn’t the only one. Alanis Morissette gave me permission to feel all these things with You Oughta Know.

The end of this story will surprise you. I didn’t talk to that boy for years. We both went on to marry other people and lead different lives. Then in December 2013, we ran into each other again. We were both broken and in the middle of messy divorces. Fate let us laugh together and lean on one another. Today we have been married for almost 9 years, have a beautiful daughter and continue to build a life together built on love.

I still love You Oughta Know, even though I’ve let go of that anger. I hope through streaming it continues to empower women and encourage them to feel all the messy anger that can come with a break up. It’s way better than being a victim.